I just pynch a tree in the face
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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