covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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