I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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