There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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