rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She bit a glass in half.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize