"it" just moved
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
