Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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