after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
