At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
