I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
