Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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