I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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