That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
