He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
