operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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