She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
false alarm. still invincible.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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