Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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