It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
