I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
