Porn is love you can see.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You made out with two different species that night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
