You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
