Can Purell be used as lube?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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