he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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