yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
