He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
