**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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