that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
