So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
