I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
