I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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