I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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