craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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