the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
