whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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