atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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