Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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