How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
