she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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