i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
