Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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