I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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