Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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