Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
