i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
