I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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