Your tits are I can't wait for
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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