My first STD was from a foam party
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there was a trapeze. enough said
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
