I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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