I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
