It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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