you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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