The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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