Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
