So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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