Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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