Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
