remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
