He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
