my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
