I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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