Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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