We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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