so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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