you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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