I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
