Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
