Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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