I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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