R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drake has all the answers
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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