Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
