i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
