wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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