So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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